


James, Divided

by jellybeanforest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky and Rhodey argue over who is settling for whom, Established Relationship, Gen, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Loyalty, M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:49:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22405990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest
Summary: Steve and Tony are dating. Their best friends, Bucky and Rhodey, agree it’s a terrible idea, absolutely disastrous, and can only end in heartbreak.That’s about the only thing they agree on.Remix of “I’ll be watching” by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie). For the 2020 Cap-IronMan Remix Madness.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 33
Kudos: 270
Collections: 2020 Captain America/Iron Man Remix Madness





	James, Divided

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressingGreenie/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I'll be watching](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17438477) by [DepressingGreenie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressingGreenie/pseuds/DepressingGreenie). 
  * In response to a prompt by [DepressingGreenie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressingGreenie/pseuds/DepressingGreenie) in the [2020_Cap_Ironman_Remix_Madness](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2020_Cap_Ironman_Remix_Madness) collection. 



_Steve is an idiot._

Sure, Bucky loves him; he would (and had) died for him, had endured countless torments where Steve had been the only thing grounding him, the last memory HYDRA was ultimately unable to dislodge, but all that didn’t change the cold hard truth of the matter.

“Wait up, Steve!” Tony calls out as he jogs towards the two super-soldiers who had far outstripped the rest of the group. Bucky makes his excuses and veers away from the couple, pausing by a tree to stretch out his legs. He didn’t need to, of course, but like hell is he going to play the third wheel in that dynamic.

Because when it came down to it, Steve had the absolute _worst_ taste in partners. First, there was Sally Weathers with her signature pigtails who laughed when Stevie got beaten down in the schoolyard and then had the gall to try to bat her lashes at Bucky of all people (like he would do such a thing to his best friend) when he pulled off the assailants. Then, there was that one kid in Ms. Anderson’s class. Robbie, was it? Steve had held a torch for that kid for years, until Robbie joined the German-American Bund and started spouting off about Jewish conspiracies and President Roosevelt. That brought a quick end to any fond feelings on Steve’s part. Then, after that whole fiasco came the dame working the front desk at his doctor office. She had used him to make her boyfriend jealous, and once again, Bucky had to intervene to prevent Steve from getting his teeth kicked in…

All things considered, Peggy had actually been an immense improvement, but for how devoted Steve had been to her, their 'relationship' - if it could be called that - had been severely lacking in substance and intimacy. Bucky supposes it’s always easier to place someone on a pedestal when she’s barely around. Yet Stevie had waited for her for years, even when there had been no guarantee either of them would make it out the other side of the war.

Now, look where it got him.

The ninety-five year old (former) virgin still stuck on the first person who popped his cherry. If it took Stevie years to recover from crushes that went nowhere, then how long will it take him to get over Stark once the fickle man finally dropped him for the next (possibly younger) trophy boyfriend who catches his eye?

“I don’t like it.”

Huh, that’s odd. It’s Bucky’s thoughts spoken aloud, but that isn’t his voice.

He looks over his shoulder to find that Stark’s best friend had caught up to him and is now gazing upon the couple.

“Me neither,” he admits.

Rhodey turns to face him, squaring his shoulders and crossing his arms for good measure. “The guy’s just not good enough for him,” he complains, glancing over to where Tony had bent down to tie his shoelaces before angling his head back to catch Bucky’s eye. “I mean, no offense but he can do so much better.”

 _Christ, with friends like that, who needs enemies?_ Bucky can’t help but think, though Rhodey’s sentiment solidifies his opinion of Stevie’s latest squeeze. How awful is Stark that his purported best friend didn’t even think he deserved a fine, upstanding boyfriend like Stevie?

“I completely agree.”

Rhodey is nonplussed at the development. “…You– you do?”

“Yeah, why is he settling? He can have anyone, and he picks… that?” Bucky subtly tips his head in the direction of Stark, who (in the seconds that Rhodey had been distracting Bucky) had managed to glom onto his best friend like a particularly-persistent barnacle as Stevie spins them both in place. They’re laughing now, chattering excitedly, and are those _tears_ in Steve’s eyes? God. It’s hard to watch, knowing how ephemeral his happiness will prove to be. Bucky narrows his eyes at Stark. “What’s so great about him? Does he have a magic dick or what?”

“I’m surprised you agree with me. Isn’t Steve your boy?”

That catches him off-guard. “Wait… you’re saying _Steve_ isn’t good enough for _Stark_?”

Steve may be an idiot, but he’s Bucky’s idiot and deserves the very best.

“Yeah man,” Rhodey confirms, but now it’s his face doing something comical, though neither of them are laughing. “What? You actually think _Steve_ is the one settling? Are you insane? Tony is a certified genius _and_ a billionaire–”

“–Who changes sex partners more often than his underwear,” Bucky points out. “Stevie is a sweet guy. If you were cold, he’d give you the shirt off his back. He’s a keeper. Stark? He’d send you the dry cleaning bill for daring to sneeze in his general direction.”

“That’s unfair, and you know it. He donates a lot of money to charity.”

“For the tax write-offs!” Bucky counters, giving Rhodey his full attention. “Stevie isn’t some good-time gal Stark can pick up and drop on a whim. He’s sensitive, and one day, Stark is gonna break his heart, and then I’ll have to step in and break his legs.”

“Are you kidding? Tones is head-over-heels for that dinosaur. Do you know he called me at three in the morning – three! – so excited that Steve asked him out that he forgot we were in different time zones?”

Bucky shrugs. “So Stark is inconsiderate. I’ll call the Press Corp, tell ‘em I’ve got the scoop of a lifetime.”

“He was excited, you jackass. Captain America is his childhood hero, and he comes swooping in all interested in him? Hell yeah, he jumped on that. But one of these days, Tony is going to wake up to the fact that the only reason Steve asked him out is because he hasn’t been laid since before sliced bread was popular – possibly forever, I don’t know – and he knew Tony is a sure thing,” Rhodey states, his normally-cool demeanor pinched with annoyance. “And when that day comes, I’m going to have to suit up and open a can of whoop ass on your boy. Fair warning.”

“Good luck. The man’s a super-soldier.” And so is Bucky, so Rhodey best back off if he knows what’s good for him.

“You think he’ll last against War Machine? That’s 400 pounds of American steel right there, not to mention the firepower built into the suit.”

“As a matter of fact–” But Bucky doesn’t have a chance to finish his sentence, with the couple in question converging on their location.

“Tony proposed!” Steve exclaims, too giddy to notice the tension between the two.

“And Steve said yes!” Tony adds, equally effusive as he leans in to plant a kiss on his new fiancé before turning to their flummoxed friends. “We were talking about it – and just a thought; it’s still a bit early in the planning process – but we’d love it if you two would be our best men. So… what do you say, Honeybear?”

“Yeah, Bucky, there’s no one else I’d rather have standing up for me,” Steve confirms, his smile so wide and expectant.

Bucky and Rhodey exchange meaningful glances before Bucky clears his throat. “We’d be honored,” he says, because Steve could get engaged to Johann Schmidt, and Bucky would smile and congratulate him and agree to stand by him on the day of their blessed nuptials. Then, outside the purview of witnesses, he’d wrestle Stevie to the floor and fly him to the nearest psychiatric facility specializing in cult deprogramming. But for now, he won’t rain on Stevie’s parade. Bucky has _some_ class; after all, his mother raised him right.

“Couldn’t have happened to a better, more sickeningly-cute couple,” and wow, Rhodey even sounds sincere. Bucky supposes spending years as Tony’s friend and primary alibi does wonders for one’s ability to lie through one’s teeth.

When Tony and Steve leave to tell the others (or perhaps to celebrate in the semi-privacy of the nearest, most-discrete bush), Rhodey side-eyes Bucky. “So… separate bachelor parties?”

“Most definitely,” Bucky agrees. “I call Brooklyn.”

“Deal. I was going to take Tony to Vegas anyway,” Rhodey says. He pauses for a beat, then: “…and dibs on ‘Uncle James’ when they adopt.”

“You got it, _Honeybear_ ,” because if he is stuck wedding-planning with the man, Bucky is not about to let that one die.

“…This is going to be a long, _long_ engagement.”


End file.
